Poppy

It's amazing how sometimes the smallest things can change you life in the biggest ways.  When we found out we were pregnant, the embryo was the size of a poppy seed.  Hence the reason we are calling the baby Poppy.  From the minute I read the word pregnant on the stick, everything changed.  It was more than what I can eat and can't.  It was more than the fact that the rattling of the Bud Light bottles is a cruel tease.  It was as if the universe suddenly became small and miraculous.  It was a sudden thought of all that was being lost and gained all at the same time.  It was knowing that from that moment forward, nothing would ever be the same again.  I suddenly realized that soon Doodle wouldn't fit on my lap anymore, and then by the time she could fit again, she wouldn't want to.  It was realizing that I was giving my baby girl the greatest gift ever, a sibling to share her crazy childhood with.  It was realizing that for the next 8 months I was never going to be alone.  It was realizing that I was going to have a baby smack dab in the middle of a move.  This pregnancy has also come with more worry.  For some reason, I have had more doubts and fears than I ever had with Doodle.  Maybe I have come to more of an understanding of just how miraculous a healthy kid is.  Maybe it's because I know the wonderful things to come and can't imagine something happening before I get to all that amazement.  Who knows, but it has been scarier this time around.  It has also been filled with lots of joy.  Telling Doodle about her new role was a fantastic moment.  Knowing that she will share the joy with us.  Knowing that what we have is so perfectly fantastic and imagining how much better it will be with another piece in our puzzle.  I know most of this is the hormones bubbling to the surface, but it is everything that comes to mind when I looked down at poppy seeds left over from my bagel.

January 14 (177/365)